A rather formally worded new Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MoFA) report circulating in the Kremlin today stating that the US media should apologize for two years of anti-Russian propaganda, wryly notes that Trump haters, who are already having a horrible week, have as yet failed to notice that President Donald Trump has somehow managed to pull off the "greatest deal in human history" to save our world from climate change—and as evidenced by his government's top NASA scientists—within 24-hours of Special Counsel Robert Mueller and Attorney General Bill Barr completely exonerating him from the Russian collusion hoax—stunningly announcing that the world's most important glacier in Greenland is reversing course and starting to accumulate ice at an alarming pace—a reversal that amazingly began two years ago after Trump pulled the United States out of the Paris Climate Accord—thus leaving all to wonder what other super powers he may possess, and when he will use them next! [Note: Some words and/or phrases appearing in quotes in this report are English language approximations of Russian words/phrases having no exact counterpart.]
今天在克里姆林宫传出一个相当正式措辞的新外交部（MoFA）报道说，美国媒体应该为两年的反俄宣传道歉，讽刺地指出特朗普讨厌已经度过了可怕的一周的人，然而却没有注意到唐纳德·特朗普总统以某种方式设法推出了"人类历史上最伟大的协议"，以拯救我们的世界免受气候变化的影响 - 正如他的政府最高级的美国宇航局科学家所证明的那样 - 在特别顾问罗伯特·穆勒24小时内总检察长比尔·巴尔完全免除了俄罗斯的勾结骗局 - 惊人地宣布，格陵兰世界上最重要的冰川正在逆转，开始以惊人的速度积累冰块 - 这是两年前特朗普撤离美国后惊人开始的逆转离开巴黎气候协议 - 因此让所有人想知道他可能拥有的其他超级大国，以及他何时会使用它们！ [注意：本报告中出现在引号中的某些词语和/或短语是俄语单词/短语的英语语言近似值，没有确切的对应词。
According to this report, President Trump is one of the rarest specimens of American human beings known as "homo erectus sensum communem"—a rare and endangered species more commonly known as "Baby Boomers"—who are most noted for their uncanny (some even say unearthly) ability to use what was once known to the ancient peoples of our planet as "common sense"—and that allows them to unnaturally know the difference between truth and lies.
根据这份报告，特朗普总统是美国最罕见的人类标本之一，被称为"濒危物种直立人"---- 一种罕见的、通常被称为"婴儿潮一代"的人---- 他们以使用我们这个星球上的古代人曾经知道的"常识"的不可思议的能力而闻名，这使他们能够不自然地区分真相和谎言。
As an example of President Trump using this nearly forgotten "common sense" ability only his rare human species is able to tap into, this report details, was his June-2017 withdrawal of America from the Paris Climate Accord—and that he reinforced in December-2018 by making the United States the only nation in the world not to sign a global climate change agreement.
A shocked and stunned world not knowing why President Trump was giving up on saving our world, especially because the United Nations had just warned in October-2018 that there were only 12-years left to save our planet from a total climate change catastrophe, this report continues, sent historians most knowledgeable about the customs and ways of ancient human beings on a search for answers—some of the most diligent of whom were the scientists at the Russian Academy of Sciences.
Combing through the ancient archives of America, this report notes, diligent Russian historians decided to view them like the rare species "homo erectus sensum communem" would have done using the forgotten ability of "common sense"—and whose astonishing findings discovered that these ancient peoples, like President Trump, were for decades preyed upon by another human species known as "homo alarmist extremists"—and whose monstrous attacks against these "Baby Boomers" included:
这份报告指出，通过梳理美国的古代档案，勤奋的俄罗斯历史学家决定把他们当作稀有物种"共同直立人"(homo erectus sensum communem)一样来看待——他们利用了被遗忘的"常识"能力——他们惊人的发现，像特朗普总统一样，这些古代人几十年来一直受到另一个被称为"人类极端主义者"的人类物种的掠夺，他们对这些"婴儿潮一代"的骇人攻击包括
In 1969, "homo alarmist extremists" attacking "Baby Boomers" to warn them that because of pollution, the world would end in less than 10-years.
A fearsome hoard of these "homo alarmist extremists" descending upon these "Baby Boomers" in April-1975 to frighten them to near death with dire warnings that the world would end in 10-years—and who warned that the evidence in support of their end of the world predictions had begun to accumulate so massively, meteorologists were hard-pressed to keep up with it.
A little over a year later, in November-1976, another attack by these "homo alarmist extremists" against these now terrified "Baby Boomers" gravely warned them that the world was about to enter a new ice age that would see the oceans eventually freezing over and snow advancing to the equator—and the world would in end in 10-years.
Thirteen years later, in June-1989, these hordes of "homo alarmist extremists" switching their attack tactics against the still unsuspecting "Baby Boomers" to warn and terrify them that it was no longer a new ice age that would kill them all, but global warming—and if not protected against, the world would end in 10-years.
In 2006, "homo alarmist extremists" further warning the now growing skeptical "Baby Boomers" that, because of global warming, the world would end in 10-years.
Only by fully understanding how the rare "homo erectus sensum communem" species President Trump used his near superpower ancient ability of "common sense" against the hoards of "homo alarmist extremists" arrayed against him , this report concludes, can one appreciate what he's actually done—and in its most simple rendering, shows him having used "common sense" to expose as lies all of the end of the world predictions made as he "somehow" knew our planet is perfectly capable of taking care of itself—a knowing that left his own NASA scientists in shock the other day when they announced that the world's most important glacier in Greenland, that discharges the most ice in the northern hemisphere, is reversing course and starting to accumulate ice at an alarming pace—and that makes one have to seriously contemplate what supernatural achievement is in store for him next as, beyond all doubt, Trump is being guided and protected by an "unseen" ancient power and force most mortals dare not even speak about—but whose "deals" made with are the greatest in human history—both here and beyond!
不久前的一天，NASA 的科学家宣布，世界上最重要的格陵兰冰川正在以惊人的速度逆转方向并开始积冰，这一消息令 NASA 的科学家们感到震惊。这使得人们不得不认真思考，接下来他将迎来何种超自然的成就，因为毫无疑问，特朗普正在被一种"看不见的"古老力量所引导和保护，这种力量和力量大多数人甚至都不敢提及，但他们之间的"交易"却是人类历史上最伟大的——无论是在这里还是在更远的地方！